'Sanctum' by Madeleine Roux

Ok, so I need to talk about this. NONE OF MY FRIENDS OR FAMILY READ THIS OR THE ONE BEFORE IT. I just want to say that while it didn't freak me out or put me in a state of panic like the first one did, I still loved this book. I love the characters, so much. Cal's boating shoes. the FUCKING BOATING SHOES. Something Jordan said at the end about Dan maybe finding something about his family. That'd be great.

Death 1

When stars die, most recently Robin Williams, it makes us feel really bad inside. Yes, someone else in the world has died today, but how were we to know? I felt awful last night when I realized that another one of my childhood icons was gone. I prayed for his family. I prayed for everyone who died that day and days before. I prayed for people with depression and anyone who is suicidal. The reason we're all so sad is because we grew up hearing, seeing, and reading the works of these icons. They made us laugh, they voiced our favorite character, they gave us words to live by, or they made our favorite movie. They stuck with us, and watching them do what they did and reading what they put on paper for us to read made us happy when we were down.

My grandfather died a few weeks ago. He and my grandmother were divorced, so we would visit him only once in a while when we went to visit her. That one day we visited though would be so much fun. He lit up a room, and he loved us all. At his funeral the man speaking said so many things about him. He was a wonderful man, and "never met a man he did not like." He mentioned that we, his four grandchildren, were the apples of his eye. That he loved his daughters so much. That even if it is hard for a father to give his little girls away to another man when they get married, my grandpa loved his son-in laws. He loved everyone, and he was so cheerful.

I'm mentioning this because these people who spent their lives working to make others happy will always be remembered as that: happy. Mourning is something we all do. Mourning the loss of someone you never knew is near impossible if there is no media coverage. People unfortunately die, no matter how much we want them around. When other's criticize a person for mourning the loss of a star, it feels a little sad to me. They may have known someone who died recently in a very terrible way. They may have never had the chance to see the movies or shows or read any of their works. They may not think it's a terrible loss. I can understand that. Everyone deserves to be mourned by someone, and if it's covered by the media or not, it's sad no matter what. All we can do is pick ourselves up and keep going, since that's what the person would want.

Driving 2

So I hate driving less. That's cool. Driving on the highway isn't that hard since you stay at one speed and stay in one place for a long time. Unless you're not, then fuck that. Right turns are hard since I don't make them close enough to the curb. I can park! Parking is easier when there are people around because then I know how much room I have. Yay. Still need to work on maneuverability... gross.

First Breakup

After three years, I've been broken up with. It's something I've seen coming for about two weeks. My now ex came over and I cried a bit and he was very sensitive about it. Everything turned out fine. Three years ago when we decided to date, we told each other we'd stay friends if we broke up, and we are still good friends. After everything, we hung out for about an hour and just talked and laughed. It was great. I am so lucky to have found a nice guy that I spent three years with lots of memories, and not too many people can say they had a high school relationship that lasted three years, and if you have, congratulations! Whoever he ends up with, I hope they're happy. I'm glad that everything went so smoothly. Sure, I'll be sad, but it's a part of life. I'm glad we're going to stay friends.

Feeling Useless

I'm not a huge fan of summer. Not big on heat or the fact that I look like a ghost every time I am outside. I hate the feeling of uselessness I have. I don't have a paying job, I'm not talented, and I'm easily bored. Not so much bored as I am disinterested. During the school year I am so much more active, which is why I try doing more things. Now I'm just a blob who sits around until I feel like going outside for an hour to play with my flag. It's something I just can't seem to get over. My friends are all either working, taking classes, or live too far away to do anything. I love my sister and I love hanging out with her, but she's more content to be alone. I feel like I'm not doing any good for anyone or myself. My mind gets blank and I don't think about much. I become a mindless drone, just doing whatever. It's annoying and I'm crying a little while typing this. I hate it. Unfortunately, this seems like a precursor to the rest of my life. I feel like I should just accept it, but I can't. There's nothing for me to do though. I know complaining about it won't do jack shit, but it helps me feel better.

Crying 1

I want to cry right now, but I probably won't, simply because I really hate crying. It's ok for others to cry, I still dislike seeing people cry. It's unfortunate that people have to cry or feel the need to cry. It makes me feel gross and just... ugh. That is how I feel: ugh. So yeah, this is a very short one. Good bye.

Religion 1

I wish my parents had let me choose my religion, I really do. My dad comes from a very Catholic family, and my mom comes from a Lutheran family. I am Catholic because I was told to be. Now that I am 19, my dad doesn't want me to lose my faith. I was told I have a choice in whether I go to church or not, but I don't. I am constantly guilt tripped into going, mostly by myself. I know that I'll get coerced into it already, and I feel half bad about not wanting to go and then I end up going. I don't have a choice and I'm angry about it. This is all made even fucking better by the fact that I don't know what I believe. It makes me angrier and I get even more angry when I am forced to go to church and end up thinking about what if this is all real or if this is all fake. Red vs. Blue is a great webseries, and in the very first episode one of the characters said something, while not to be taken too seriously, that clicks with me.
"One of life's great mysteries isn't it? Why are we here? I mean, are we the product of some cosmic coincidence? Or is there really a God, watching everything. You know, with a plan for us and stuff. I don't know man, but it keeps me up at night."
This clicks with me because that is what I have been wondering for the past two years. I don't know, maybe I should try to accept my fate until I move out.

Driving 1

I got my temporary license for the third time. I am a 19 year old who doesn't have their license, god forbid. I honestly hate driving. I hate it with a passion. Mostly because I hate being in charge of things, and with driving I am in charge of not causing a fucking death trap to run into another fucking death trap. It sucks. I also hate driving with my parents, who have the shortest tempers out of anyone I know. I just fucking hate driving and wish I could teleport.

People 1

No matter how many times I say I don't like people or that I hate people, I never mean it. I'm an introvert by nature, and I'll go the extra mile to avoid conversation with a person I don't know that well. I'm never opposed to meeting new people, but I'm not good at talking to them. When people are loud and obnoxious I start getting irritated and turn to a friend and say "people." I say it often enough to make it seem like I hate the general population, which sometimes is true when I hear things that have happened that make me frown upon humanity, but it's never a real hatred. I'm too forgetful and lazy to actually put energy into hating people.

Glasses (a.k.a. Anna complains part 1)

Glasses are great. They help you see and make you look smart. Unfortunately they can also be a pain in the ass.
My first complaint: Sleeping. I am a lazy piece of shit and end up falling asleep at random times. When I wake up, groggy and unwilling to do anything I find that my glasses are still on. Unfortunately I have come to realize that my glasses are still on. The smallest inconvenience has caused me the most trouble when trying to fall asleep. I do not WANT to take my glasses off, but I have to if I want to fall back to sleep.
Second: They are dirtied easily. I wear my glasses all day unless I'm feeling exceptionally lazy and don't need them.i end up cleaning them maybe twice a day. It gets annoying and then I forget to clean them and then I take my glasses and, while everything is a bit blurry, it is much clearer in color.
Third: Physical activity. I am in color guard, a thing that requires I throw a flag into the air and catch it. On the not so rare times when I do not catch it, I usually end up hitting my hand or leg. Rarely do I get hit in the face... somehow this is a rare occasion. Anyway, When I do end up hitting myself in the face, I have to make sure my glasses don't break. Or the FLAG GETS STUCK ON THE RIM OF MY GLASSES AND FLINGS THEM ACROSS THE PARKING LOT AND ONE OF THE DAMN LENSES POPS OUT. Not a good thing.
That's all I have for now.

~Wishing you all well.

High School 1

I'm watching Sabrina the Teenage Witch, and I've noticed something. I never really dealt with people or bullies. I am extremely fortunate that I decided to not really talk. I was the quiet girl who read in class and was "smart." It was always funny to me that people would assume that I was smart because I never spoke. I was one of the band kids, and had friends who were really awesome, and I had a pretty smooth time, despite my unwillingness to actually care about school. Whatever.

The LEGO Movie

So I just watched The LEGO Movie for the first time and it was great. I have a non romantic love for Chris Pratt that made me really excited when I heard his voice coming from the tiny LEGO man Emmet. The movie was funny and cute and the CGI was amazing and I was very pleased. I'm glad it lived up to the things I heard about it. It made me want to buy LEGOs and start playing with them like I did when I was a kid in aftercare at my school. Unfortunately... they're really expensive and I'm not dealing with that right now. Oh well.
I really like Emmet as a character. He's average and not special, which is the way I felt as a kid, and even now to some extent. The world is so full of repetition and uncreative things sometimes and it's all for acceptance. Something I learned is that mainstream goes for what's safe, and what is profitable. People who have a lot to lose will play it safe and get so caught up in trying to make enough that they really can't afford to be creative, because the public won't accept it.
Wow... Tangent. Anyway, I loved the movie and you all should check it out yourself. All two or three people who will probably read this.

~Wishing you all well

Why I Can't Read Bad Fanfiction

I write for a site named gamecola.net, and we do a podcast where we read bad videogame fanfiction. It's a alot of fun and you, dear reader, should check it out. Anyway, I felt like I don't contribute a lot,so I want to help and look up some terrible fanfiction, but I've realized something. I have no patience for these things that are so poorly written, and nor do I have the desire to look up this shit. It's really annoying, because I end up finding terrible ones when I DON'T WANT TO FIND THEM, but when I endeavor to search for them, I don't want to. I guess it makes sense. Who wants to read terrible fiction in their spare time?

~Wishing you all well.

Meds and Mental Illness 1

Something's been bothering me; has our society made us feel depressed. I mean like, depression in general. How long has it been that we've had antidepressants? According to a quiz I took online, I have depression. I've never seen a doctor about and the internet's not that accurate with this stuff, (trust me, I'm not that stupid as to believe it) but I'm just fine without anti-depressants. I know they're supposed to help people, but a friend told me she had to take them and felt like shit afterwords. Please forgive me for not knowing much about the subject, but I felt the need to post this.

~Wishing you well.

P.S. This was written a year ago, and I still don't know much. I'm not saying that meds are bad. If you have them, take them for Christ's sake. I'm just wondering. Also, I don't research things and blurt things out, and I'm sorry.