Sappy post

So this entire year sucked ass. At least that's what it felt like. I don't know why, but it just felt like everything surrounding me was either a bunch of different fights between a bunch of different people or something that made me so confused that I just couldn't...function, I guess? It was dumb and I'm half ready to be done with everything forever.

On the bright side, I did get to hang out with some people more. I got to watch ten beautiful ladies get initiated into Sigma Alpha Iota throughout the fall and spring semesters. Now I get to take on the responsibility of vice president membership for our chapter. I can't tell you how excited I am to get any new girls coming in ready for initiation with the rest of our sisterhood.

I also took a little this semester. I didn't exactly know who would end up coming out this semester, but after getting to know Bree better, I knew we'd be a perfect match. She's so sweet and she's really funny. She's a gifted singer and artist and I know she'll succeed in anything she puts her mind to.

On a sad note, my big is leaving me. In all honesty if it wasn't for her I probably would have dropped out of SAI before initiation. Last year was tough, and the stress of being an MIT was daunting. I am so lucky to have had her by my side. I am sad that she is leaving, and I'm sad that the other seniors are leaving. Beth was in my pledge class, and at first I honestly was frightened of her. She's loud and talks a lot more than me, but she is a wonderful person and I honestly do love her a lot. I didn't get to know Lindsey and Corrina as well as I wish I could have, but they've always been kind to me and I know they'll do great things.

SAI and GameCola are two of the things that keep me going. It's where a lot of my friends are or have come from in the past few years. I'll miss my sisters over the summer, and I miss reading and writing articles (even though I suck at writing every month and I'm sorry I am the worst) while the site is down. If I didn't have these things in my life, I honestly don't know where (nor do I want to think about) where I'd be.

Another stupid life update

I don't know what's wrong with me. I never understand why I feel so fucked up. I've said some things in the past few days that sound really bad and suicidal, but only to my boyfriend. Now I've probably got him worried. I can't do anything about this. I've fucked myself over royally by not talking to someone about this, but I can never explain how I feel or why I feel what I do. It's getting really tiring and I can't seem to understand. Shutting down has become more common, and just trying to do something I want to do is hard since my mind just decides to go blank. It's gotten so frustrating.

The good news coming out of all of this is that I've got people who care about me. I know they'll listen if I need them to, but I just feel awful bringing things up. I love my family, friends, and my wonderful sisters. I'm so grateful to have all of them by my side.

I wish I knew how to make myself stop being so sad and irritated all of the time.