Monday, August 24, 2015

The Panic is On

I let my parents push me in a direction. I'm panicking way too much for one day into the semester. I wish I'd done something different. I'm just very scared and need to cry. My heart is racing from my medication and it's not helping. I feel insanely scared.

Friday, August 14, 2015

Moving back to College

Another summer has come and gone. Fortunately, it wasn't as awful as last summer! I got to write, make some money, I WENT TO POLAND (hell yes), played some awesome games, saw some family members...It was a good time. It was still so strange not seeing my grandpa and uncle when I visited Michigan.
Anyway, I'm moving back to college tomorrow. Hooray, third year student, all credits in line to make me a junior SHLD student. Wooh! Band camp this week and then the start of a busy semester. Let's hope I make it.
Last year I didn't think I would cry when my mom and sister left to go back home. I thought 'Yeah, it'll be fine. I cried last year, this time it'll be different.' I cried. And I didn't let myself cry at first. I sat in my closet (my bean bag chair was sitting in there, so might as well) and tried to calm down. That's when I decided I'd cry. It was great. Afterwards I put on Back to the Future, unpacked, cried some more, and then left for our band camp meeting.
So, being a twenty year old young woman, I feel like maybe this year I won't cry....but I also know that that is complete bullshit and that it'll take me forever to calm down once my mom and sister leave. This year it'll be a bit better, since I know more people in town and can try and hang out with them if they're free. If I cry, so be it. It's natural after three months of being home and being around my family.
And with that moving in comes the beginning of me needing to take my ADD meds again...and a start to what I imagine will be the continued anxiety I've been experiencing. Can't wait.