ADD

Attention Deficit/Hyperactive Disorder is defined as "A chronic condition including attention difficulty, hyperactivity, and impulsiveness." Recently, a lot of people believe this isn't a real thing. It is. In 6th grade, I think I was 12 or so, I was told by a psychiatrist that I have Attention Deficit Disorder, which is basically the same thing, but the hyperactivity is less. It has a huge effect on learning and sitting still during classes and while studying.

I'm just gonna go on a rant because I can. ADD and ADHD are a thing. It just seems to be something that is over diagnosed. Kids will have focus problems when they're young. They're still learning how to behave in school and shouldn't be expected to know how to behave in first and second grade. By the time a kid has been in school for a few years, it might be more common to pay attention and stay calm during a class. I'm not a professional I'm kind of just guessing at all of this.

When I was in grade school, I honestly could not pay attention for the life of me. I would take notes and study, but retaining information and getting myself to not zone out during a class was hard. In sixth grade I was told I have ADD. I was put on medication, Focalin at the time, and things got a little easier for me. A year after that I was put on Vyvanse, which I am still on today. I'm in college now, and I've really noticed the impact my ADD has during my classes and studying when I don't take my meds.

Going back to the over diagnosed thing. What I think is that some people are hearing about ADD or ADHD and bring it up because they believe that's why their child is doing poorly or is acting out in class. I think it might be best to wait until a child is a bit older to really look at the problem, or monitor their study habits and make sure they're just not jerks...because unfortunately some kids are just jerks.

That's my little rant. Don't quote me on anything, since I'm only guessing at stuff here. I'm just a nineteen year old who happens to take Vyvanse so she can get through classes and studying so she can eventually graduate.

How I'm doing

Lately I feel like winter will never end.

Since May of last year a lot has happened. I was broken up with, my grandfather passed away, I got my license, I joined a sorority, I entered another relationship, I questioned my life choices, my great uncle passed away, I figured I should see someone about anxiety and five months later acted on that thought. 

Lately everything I've done feels like it blends together. I've lost all motivation for the day.

Everything this semester seems very not spectacular. I feel sad a lot more, and sorry for myself which I should stop doing. I'm quick to jump to the worst case scenario and panic. It's just not been a good semester and we're barely halfway through it.

I'm sick of drama and people who annoy me. I'm sick of this looming feeling that eventually I'll just stop, like a robot who needs to be wound every once in a while. 

I also feel like I want to cry. I don't want to though, and I hate crying.

My best friend is across the world. I'm so happy for her... But I miss her. I miss a lot of my friends. I hope to see them soon.

I miss feeling like myself. I feel like a stranger lately. It's a weird feeling.

I miss warmth. I miss sunlight that doesn't just mix with the cold.

I miss the green on the trees and the grass. I miss wearing sneakers instead of boots where one sole is higher than the other. I miss being able to walk outside with a hoodie on and think it was a bit too hot for a hoodie.

I miss feeling like every day was different from the last.