I don't know what's wrong with me. I never understand why I feel so fucked up. I've said some things in the past few days that sound really bad and suicidal, but only to my boyfriend. Now I've probably got him worried. I can't do anything about this. I've fucked myself over royally by not talking to someone about this, but I can never explain how I feel or why I feel what I do. It's getting really tiring and I can't seem to understand. Shutting down has become more common, and just trying to do something I want to do is hard since my mind just decides to go blank. It's gotten so frustrating.
The good news coming out of all of this is that I've got people who care about me. I know they'll listen if I need them to, but I just feel awful bringing things up. I love my family, friends, and my wonderful sisters. I'm so grateful to have all of them by my side.
I wish I knew how to make myself stop being so sad and irritated all of the time.