Since May of last year a lot has happened. I was broken up with, my grandfather passed away, I got my license, I joined a sorority, I entered another relationship, I questioned my life choices, my great uncle passed away, I figured I should see someone about anxiety and five months later acted on that thought.
Lately everything I've done feels like it blends together. I've lost all motivation for the day.
Everything this semester seems very not spectacular. I feel sad a lot more, and sorry for myself which I should stop doing. I'm quick to jump to the worst case scenario and panic. It's just not been a good semester and we're barely halfway through it.
I'm sick of drama and people who annoy me. I'm sick of this looming feeling that eventually I'll just stop, like a robot who needs to be wound every once in a while.
I also feel like I want to cry. I don't want to though, and I hate crying.
My best friend is across the world. I'm so happy for her... But I miss her. I miss a lot of my friends. I hope to see them soon.
I miss feeling like myself. I feel like a stranger lately. It's a weird feeling.
I miss warmth. I miss sunlight that doesn't just mix with the cold.
I miss the green on the trees and the grass. I miss wearing sneakers instead of boots where one sole is higher than the other. I miss being able to walk outside with a hoodie on and think it was a bit too hot for a hoodie.
I miss feeling like every day was different from the last.